Decency: Right, Wrong or Relative.

The reality that my hairstyle can make me look both stylish and a suspect scares me. A few stylish looks I would love to try, but I’m just too young-looking and regular to convince anyone that all I have on is in a bid to look handsome.

I understand the place of being decent in your life, but what you consider decent is a result of your upbringing. Well, except you’re ‘becoming wayward’ like me and see things from different lenses. Due to numerous backgrounds, cultures, nationalities, races, and whatever, my idea of decency could be different from your idea of decency, and that doesn’t mean our decency is wrong. 

I shouldn’t be judged as wayward, or a disgrace, or whatever. My new style shouldn’t be placed on a moral scale or whatever name you might call it. If this new decency doesn’t encourage bad vices in me and is not harmful to my health, well-being or that of another, then I think I should be allowed to breathe.

So what brought about this little exposition? Well, as a guy, I plaited my hair, and the aftermath isn’t what I expected. Before now, I don’t plait my hair, I only cut it low. A few months back, my friend plaited my hair, and I liked it. This was during the weekend, so I had nowhere to go except Church on Sunday. A few other times, I’d plait my hair for the weekend and loosen it after service. 

I come from a background where plaiting your hair as a guy is a sign of moral decadence and displeasing to God. It would have been better if that were all, but it worsens when your hairstyle makes you a suspect by the police. I can live with the “God said a man shouldn’t plait his hair, and plaiting hair is only meant for females”, but how does a simple, regular young man like me prove to security agencies that my hairstyle is just fashion and I’m innocent? 

I’ve always wanted to plait my hair and take it to work for at least a week. After all, I believe my God isn’t taking offence at it, so why should I bother about what any man might think? Well, I did bother till I stopped bothering and did it. I plaited my hair on a Sunday evening and took it to work. At last, I finally overcame the fear. My colleagues at work, mostly women, saw it and had stuff to say. You plaited your hair! This looks good on you (I think they meant the opposite). Is this weaving? Who plaited your hair? 

Office hours passed, I got home and called my mom to gist her about my new look. As expected, she had her displeasure, and she said it didn’t look good on me. Well, mothers will always be mothers. She asked me to send a picture which she’ll forward to my dad. I sent her a picture without telling her not to send it to my dad, thinking he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it like others. You guessed right. That was a big mistake. The man did make a big deal out of it. Let me not go into the details, I don’t want to relive that resentment I had. On the good side, I realised two things: I can loosen my braids with just my fingers, and Nigerian parents can make a hairstyle feel like a crime scene.

The next day at work, the expressions on the women’s faces at my workplace showed that they were happy I had loosened my hair. One even said she was going to give me money for loosening it. Well, she hasn’t given me the money. 

This new look I want to adopt is seen as indecent in my background, and it makes me wonder why people find it difficult to have their minds enlightened. Plaiting my hair shouldn’t portray me as wayward, it shouldn’t make me a suspect of a crime by the police, it shouldn’t scream irresponsibility and unprofessionalism just by looking at me, and it shouldn’t suggest condemnation, but it is what it is over here. 

Hopefully, our society will soon start to see hairstyles as just hairstyles, not a moral compass, not a sign of religious backsliding; just a young man who wants to hear: You look different, you look handsome, this style really fits you, you look cute. Until then, I’ll keep my small afro style while thinking about my braids and tattoo dreams.

If you also fight this battle of self-expression, you are not alone. This isn’t a call for silence, but rather a call to recognise the problems holding you back and find a smart way out. For me, either I turn a deaf ear to my parents and hope I have no confrontation with the Police, or I wait till I get older. At the end, just do you. Be you. Cut that style. Braid that hair. Change that look. Wear those sneakers. Wear those nice clothes. Get those glasses and caps. This new look might just be the shift that starts driving you to higher heights.

Here’s to us freely expressing ourselves while still being a motivation and positive change to others.