When Good People Fall

The disappointment hits harder when it’s from someone you place in high esteem. Remember how children are always taught to uphold moral and good behaviours, trained right from childhood to be good and responsible adults, and you eventually become one. However, you realise that one of the special people you looked up to as a symbol of morality was found lacking in one.

It was just a regular drive around town on a Tuesday evening when I saw her walking out of the hotel with a man I know, his hands around her waist, as they both walked into his car. That sight sent shivers straight into my heart. Luckily, I was on 60km/hr, a speed I can easily maintain and was in the middle of the road, since there were no vehicles behind me; otherwise, I would have either hit the divider or probably swerved into the pedestrian path. 

Several thoughts ran through my head: Is she the one? Maybe I had a blurry vision. What’s she doing in a hotel with him? No, I saw the wrong person. But no, I saw them well. The hotel gate was wide open because of the ongoing event, and I saw them walk out like two lovebirds. I sped as fast as I could to avoid them catching up with me. While still driving, I called her to ask if she was at home, but she said no, that she was out with a friend. A friend indeed, I muttered to myself. I guess that response only confirmed what I saw.

I understand she’s divorced and should be allowed to be with anyone she wants, but not him. Not a married man. Where’s the morality in that? What happened to the upbringing of not sleeping with married folks? What happened to not being a home wrecker?

Since I also know the man, I’m aware that his marriage to his wife has been a disaster, and they’ve been having issues, but that is still no reason to be with him. What happened to the other single men out there?

I drove back home quieter than usual and with a heavy heart. She was an example to me and many others, but this discovery questioned everything. It questioned the values I was raised with, the beliefs I held as doctrine, and my trust in people altogether. I was torn between believing what I saw and making myself believe it was all a blurry vision; speaking to her about it, or letting her live her life.

I couldn’t take the deception any longer, and I approached her. I’m quite surprised at the maturity level with which I approached the issue. The manner in which I confronted her was gentle, not judgmental, open-minded, and most importantly, led to a change.

During our discussion, I saw her reality as well. A little care here and there, a little complaint about the nagging wife, a little advice, a little urge for sex after years of loneliness, a little feeling to be loved and admired, and many other things that started bit by bit, but led to a secret affair. She apologised, confessing she had been trying to break up for a while, but just couldn’t, and catching her was enough courage to finally break up with him. What if it were another person who discovered the affair, a loud-mouthed individual; a mistake would have become the talk of the town. Of all men, not him, a married man. We discussed how he and his wife can reconcile, while she’s left behind to suffer the heartbreak, all alone. 

It was an enlightening conversation, though with a bit of guilt. I saw how human we all are. Beyond the outward show of strength, uprightness, leadership, or whatever, we’re still human and capable of making mistakes. Life happens to everyone, and we’re all trying to take our best foot forward to avoid slipping.

This isn’t to justify or accept her actions, far from it. This is a call to own your beliefs. Let your morality and uprightness be personal, such that the actions of others don’t sway you away from your convictions. Know what is good, and live by it, taking your best foot forward.

I realised how easy it is to judge from the outside, and how little we understand the battles people fight in private. I understand a few events could warrant being judgmental, but beyond your confrontations, are you able to set the judged on the right path, or do you only enjoy rebuking others without causing a change in their lives?

And to the mentors, the leaders, the teachers, the ones whom others look up to as a symbol of respect, morality, and perfectness, well done. We appreciate you. But as life presents you with its different shades, be resilient as you fight your battles. Remember your teachings and live by them. I’m not telling you to pretend to others or let others determine the way you live your life; I’m telling you to also own your beliefs and own your teachings. Teach what you believe in, and live by it. Regardless of what may come, ensure your best foot is always ahead. 

And to everyone engaged in activities that contradict their personal convictions, here’s a gentle voice leading you back home. Come home! You don’t have to become who you are not. You’re enough and capable of growing into so much more.

If you’re like me, betrayed by someone they trusted, let go. Humans are capable of making mistakes, of hurting others, and you’re capable of forgiving, of healing, and owning your growth.

And if you have betrayed others, let go. You’re human, thereby able to know when you’ve made a mistake and capable of making the right adjustments. So, trace back your steps. Let go of what’s creating the mistrust. Become the virtue you once were.

Betrayal taught me that people can fail you, but they don’t have to change who you become.